All messages now redirected to…
Psyops Division 8 for assessment and response assignment (Please note that due to the complexities of language processing and certain “ahem” inconsistencies in the human psyche certain frivolous messages may receive a higher priority than those of higher importance, requests for help,information,more details etc…..Many apologies for this.)
If you have not received a response to your message you may like to consider the following points.
1.Did you press send?
2.Did you use a language appropriate for the recipients?
3.Did you pay your phone bill?
4.Were you Inebriated when you wrote the message (commonly people do not answer obscene drunken texts at 4 a.m.)
5.Is there any disruption to Telecommunications Services? Electrical storms, Alien invasion, Festivals, Elections (Local and National.) Also see point 3. above.
In the event that all of the above have been verified as not to be the cause of non-receipt please check the reference book for acceptable time limits (Booklet 666X page 94 paragraph 42 subsection Zeta). Additionally reading the books entitled “What is time and how does it correspond to the human condition?” , “Who needs time” and the bestseller “ What time is it anyway?”
will help with some of the terminology used when talking about time and its subsequent measurement. It should also be mentioned that “My cat and how it escaped an uncertain death” is the definitive guide on unraveling time terminology but is considered too heavy to carry and therefore best only for library studies.
After carefully checking that you definitely should have received some kind of response by this time (whenever that may be) then the following should also be considered.
a. Alive?(See additional leaflets “Death and what it means to me” and “Definitions of life” By A.Corn.
b. In the correct relative solar system or paranormal domain to send and receive messages?
c. In a cognitive enough state of mind to recognise you haven’t received one?
There may be other reasons why you have not received a response, however, we are unable to give information on this unless you have procured and completed Request Form 9delta C18 X 4 Blue.
Which must be stamped in triplicate by the ruling deity for your place of origin.
Failing this a note from your birth mother may be accepted on account that she is younger than you at the time of signing.
Completed request forms to be received no later than 3 Earth lunar cycles before the non reciept of your response is expected.